“We changed again, and yet again, and it was now too late and too far to go back, and I went on. And the mists had all solemnly risen now, and the world lay spread before me.”
“Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens
Seems fitting that I would stumble upon this passage the night before I start work officially. I am happy, I am scared, I am nervous about what’s in store, and want nothing more than a cup of Earl Grey to sip but the day has progressed far enough for me to be in bed and I know the introduction of caffeine into my system at this point will do me no good. Farewell to the death of my lifestyle as a bum; of afternoons spent sitting cross-legged outside on the porch to watch the rain fall from the shingles as I spend hours dreaming and drawing or conversing, the many dragged out hours of reading and watching movies and listening to albums and watching Game of Thrones while eating late-night Maggi with plenty of cili. I have learned from life that nothing ever goes quite as expected, no matter how much we plan or estimate an experience to be like. Funny how as I was filling my tiny orange water bottle that I’d unearthed from my recently arrived boxes from Iowa, I realized how it all felt startlingly like beginning my first day of school for the semester/term. Sometimes, during moments of doubt, I wonder if I have strayed too far away from the role of a strong enough achiever, if I have turned into a slightly obtuse person with my increasingly disorganized ways. But then I shake my head and think instead that although the time span of a few years may have the length of a lifetime in the eyes of a 22 year old, a new start can always help renumerate for all the losses and gains in battles that have brought me this far.